6 Tips to Minimize the Impact on Your Mental Health When Faced With a Lay-Off

 

 Two years ago, I lost my job in a field that I thought would be a life-long career. I went on EI and was stuck between job for about 6 months. I experienced the worst of my mental health on some days, and celebrated getting time to collect my thoughts and a chance to take a much needed break on others. It was a roller coaster but there was still an amazing silver lining to all of that: When I wasn't looking for jobs, I was sitting on the beach, drinking lattes and reading at my favorite local cafes, and catching up with friends I haven't seen in a dog's age.

   That was 2 years ago. Fast forward 2 years, and beach sitting, friends gathering, and sitting at your favorite cafes is pretty well forbidden due to a global pandemic that has proven to be a pain in everyone's collective ass. Let's get real. This time, being laid off is going to be a much more difficult challenge, because leaving the house for anything but boxed pasta and toilet paper is frowned upon and will get you Facebook shamed quicker than you can get a job at Costco during the age of panic-buying toilet paper. I wrote a blog post when I lost that job on how to keep going after a job loss and what to do to stay sane until you find other work. Well, Im rewriting it to be more relevant to our current bullshit circumstances. Here are some (not-so-bullshit) tips on lessening the impact the layoff and isolation may have on your mental and physical health:

• Give yourself a bit of time (maybe a few days) to process everything that has happened and how the pandemic has taken a toll on your life. Take a deep breath before moving forward.

• Stick to a routine similar to one you followed when you were employed

•    Do not oversleep (as tempting as that is). This is because it is so easy to slip into depression at the thought of losing your structure and stability. So get the hell out of bed and be productive with your time!

• Eat meals at regular times (this may be even healthier than the eating schedule you were on when you were working).

• Make a to-do list of productive things to do throughout the day that will move you closer to a goal and will make you feel accomplished. 

• Do your laundry.

• FaceTime or video chat with old friends you haven't seen in awhile due to time restraints imposed by the job you were just laid off from.

• Take time to relax, meditate, take time for yourself and take care of yourself.

• Engage in an at-home exercise regimen that works for you, or take regular walks around your neighborhood. Focusing on physical health can be incredibly beneficial to your mental health and the feelings of loss you may be experiencing.

• Look at taking a free online course to keep your mind stimulated and to have something (other than when you'll be called back to work) to focus on. *Coursera offers free University level courses with the option to purchase a certificate of completion for cheap. You can also join all kinds of online programs for your different hobbies and interests. Due to the virus, many online programs are being offered for free or a much lesser cost. 

• Create a goal you want to accomplish or take this time to work on a goal you already have. Something to look forward to can be life saving when everything seems so hopeless and bleak.

Remember that no matter what, you can do this and you can get through this. There will be good days and bad days. Days you wake up and thank the Lord Jesus or whatever that you don't have to get up for work, and other days when you wake up and say "what the fuck do I do now?" It's on those days that the goals you're working on are most important to stick to. Do things you enjoy (except for getting on a plane of course. That one I have needed frequent reminding of 🤣)

You're some of the toughest, most iron-willed, hard-headed m****r-f***ers I've ever worked with. A global crises is nothing to be trifled with but neither are you. 

☮️ peace!!! 

AnneMarie Vaughan

Study Tips for People with ADHD

(Not going to repeat the title or write 25 paragraphs on why these tips are needed)

1) MAKE LISTS  (Much like this one) of what you would like to accomplish. Make sure you check off the things on your list to give you that sense of accomplishment you crave so much and motivate you to keep going. Putting a checkmark beside something will give you that instant gratification we need so much.

2) SMALL DAILY GOALS Instead of designating a certain length of time to work on your studies, designate a certain amount you would like to get done that day. I find I waste a whole lot of time in that hour I promise myself I won't look at Facebook. However, if I say I'm going to read 10 pages and take notes, then it doesn't matter how long I'm working on it for, as long as I get that amount done. 

3)SMALL BREAKS ARE A LIE If you're working on reading that 10 pages and it's taking you a super long time, how focused are you really? How much are you actually retaining? People with ADHD have this little superpower called "hyperfocusing". When we take small breaks, we end up scrolling through facebook, washing the dishes, binge watching Breaking Bad, and then 5 hours has passed. It's better not to lie to yourself into taking a small break and just say "I'll come back to it later" which we usually do. If you're in the middle of a hyperfocus, do not take these small breaks because hyperfocus allows us to retain more and stay focused. Once this focus is broken, GOOD LUCK! 😅😅😅

4) Have a Tidy Work Space This allows you to remain focused and you're not going through the 20 things you have to clean later in your head. 

5) TAKE NOTES!  This will also help you remain focused and repetition is key! So you're reading it and writing down key points so you're more likely to retain important information. I found it helpful to go to the dollarstore  and get a nice notepad with a visually appealing cover. When I have all my study supplies, I get so motivated. 

Have fun folks!

When a Driven Person Doesn't Know Where to Go

    I am the type of person who always knows what's happening next in my life. I know what I want, where I want to go, and how exactly I'm going to get there. Without a second thought, I pursue it, conquer it, and move on to the next challenge that is driving me to success and fulfillment. I have always had this spark in my soul that is driving me to the next place. I'm always taking action to accomplish what it is I'm trying to accomplish. But what happens when I don't know what the fuck I want to accomplish? What do I do when I go to my mental search engine where I usually find my ambition and desires...but find nothing but a big fat, honking question mark?

I'm not talking about the general consensus of people not knowing exactly what they want to do with their life. I'm talking about the numbness that I experience when I go digging for that spark that has kept me going, and kept me strong and optimistic all these years. Where is that good ol' trusty spark I've relied on for so long telling me what I'm passionate about and telling me what to do? When I go searching, it's nothing more than a black void. Nothing. Even now, as I type this out, there is nothing where that drive and ambition use to be. So now what?

Perhaps this is nothing more than an early midlife crisis, or an existential crisis? So I sit here, creating blog filler trying to create what has been lost. And still...nothing. The excitement to write this post is the most life excitement that I've felt in days. So this still begs the very obvious question...WHAT DOES A DRIVEN PERSON DO WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE DIRECTION PULLING THEM THIS WAY OR THAT?

I'm going to create a direction. Believe it or not, this dilemma usually happens when there are too many directions to choose from but nothing really catches your eye. Do I go back to school? Do I apply for another job? Do I go back into the field I already went to school for? (Afterall, the money was half decent but being called a cunt 10x/day sucked) Do I work my way up at the job I'm in now? Do I just wait for a sign? Or do I sit and wallow in my despair for all eternity?

If I allow them, signs will show themselves and offer insight as to what I should do. I still have the drive but I don't know where it's taking me. I have never truly experienced this before and I think its a growth period. Maybe this is my time to rest. Since losing my job in March, I haven't really rested. I never stopped to just be. To simply allow air to fill my lungs, or my brain to settle. Maybe this is that time. I will feel that spark again, and someday, I'll know where I'm going and how to get there. I miss that though. Knowing and having certainty in myself and what's next for me. For now though, I'm going to rest. Until something starts pulling me in a direction, the only thing I can do  is to just allow things to happen as they're meant to. 

The thing I'm learning from this very confusing time in my life, is that sometimes, we simply have to stop everything and let it be. It will come. But not if we are constantly trying to "build it". lol. Sometimes, we are trying so hard to figure shit out and forcing things to come to us, that we miss the important signs that are guiding us. It's all right in front of our very eyes. We just have to pay closer attention. Just breathe, let it be, and watch things fall into place as they may. I am driven, but I have to let the universe take the wheel for awhile. 

When It's Important to Take a Mental Health Day

   I write this as I break my routine for a day to watch Vampire Diaries and type out blog posts and work on Forward Momentum. The original plan was to go to the gym, come back and do my two hours of studying, then do one hour of writing, and then meditate. But I left halfway through my circuit at the gym because being "motivationally" yelled at for 30 minutes can sometimes make my anxiety 10x worse. Then I was festering things that were said days ago. Then the thought of doing anything routine except for showering made me anxious and sort of angry. Even though I have everything scheduled to ensure I get everything done, I was stressing about slacking on my writing. My writing is my outlet for everything I feel inside. It's the way I organize my thoughts and feelings and get them out without lashing out or saying things I regret. So why would I slack on my writing? I have found the one constructive, healthy way to cope with anxiety and being hyper-emotional and I've been putting it off. Now here I am. The thought of writing all day while watching my favorite genre of show suddenly offered me complete relief to the point I felt like crying because anxiety is mentally and emotionally exhausting. That's when I knew I needed to take a mental health day. 

   When you try to force yourself to do things you would otherwise enjoy, or you feel obligated to do, you learn to resent those activities and it just makes you more pissed off. Experiencing emotional turmoil is also a sign that your vibrations are low and that's when you start attracting more bad feelings which in turn will attract unwanted things into your life. This is why it's so important to do things that will raise your vibrations and offer you relief rather than more anxiety and negative feelings. So sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and break your routine so you can do things that will allow you to let go of whatever you were feeling before. 

   Most people tell you to go to the gym, take a walk, meditate, take a breath, but none of that works for me because it leaves me alone with my thoughts to fester and make me feel crappier. Spend the day doing something that you find to be an outlet for you. It's so important to acknowledge what your body and mind is trying to tell you. While it's unhealthy to stew in your emotions, it's healthy to know they are there and take the time to heal and deal. If your mind is telling you to take a break and your body feels tense and uptight, it's important to listen to that instead of trying to push through and ignore it. Take a mental health day and don't feel bad about it. Don't feel guilty about taking care of you. I will get back to my studies tomorrow after I get back from the amazing day trip I'm taking with friends :) 

Have a wonderful self-care day all! :)

Annie-M
xoxo

Loving Yourself First

I think the worst feeling in the world is feeling insecure when you use to be the most confident, self-assured person you know. Then you become emotionally invested in someone or something and suddenly you're a bowl of jelly wobbly at your jelly-like knees, in your kingdom of jello. So the question becomes, how do you remain self-assured and confident when emotionally invested in something? Most things tend to work out when you're unaffected by what the outcome is, and when you know you'll be okay either way. When you get excited about something,it tends to take over your mind and thoughts. Whether it's a job, significant other, new home, etc. You hyperfocus on it and that's when things tend to get a little hairy. I hate to say it, but that's called obsession. When I have an argument with my significant other, I actually become obsessed with making sure things are okay. It's not that I become obsessed with him, but making sure things will be okay between us. That my friends is basically me feeling like I won't be okay if "we" are not okay. 

Truth is, writing this post actually brings me back to Earth and for a fleeting moment, my mind is occupied and I don't feel insecure or 'needy' anymore. I'm writing this to help bring myself back there. I want nothing more than to be the confident, sexy, fun woman he met almost a year and a half ago at a pool club. Maybe I was fun and confident because I wasn't so tightly wound. Now I have so many things on the go, I often forgo 'fun' for my studies or Forward Momentum (the book I'm writing). I think the issue I'm having is really common. I just need to remember things that I enjoy and go back to doing that. Just writing brings me back there a little, and that's an awesome start. I think I may have forgotten to show myself a little love while I'm at it. Whether it's taking a bath with a glass of wine, just taking a night for myself, or taking myself to a show, or hanging out with friends. In loving this person so much, I believe I forgot about me. I'm sitting here waiting for him to text me, completely forgetting that it's a huge waste of time because there's more to me and to my life than just this one person. 

Me and my love. It is definitely okay for me to love myself just as much as I love him.

I started depending on someone else for my happiness. My happiness depended on his text back, on the time we spend time together, or on him to call me after work, and that is no way to live or love. I love him very much but I have to start loving myself again too. For both our sakes, and for the sake of a successful relationship. When you feel love for yourself, you attract love from others. In saying these things, it actually takes me back to my post about the cracks in my foundation; relying on others for reassurance, confidence, and for others to tell you that you're okay. I think I may be experiencing a few cracks in my own foundation right now. Well, time to get crack filler. AKA: Self-assurance on my own terms. There's no reason for me to feel bad about me or my life because of someone else. No matter how much I love that person. :)

Annie-M

xoxo

Part of Setting Your Standards is Being Honest About How You Feel

How many of you have hidden how something or someone has made you feel? 

How often have you hidden how you felt? 

After you hid your feelings, how did it make you feel?

Part of raising your standards and setting them high, is being completely unabashedly honest about how something made you feel. When you are honest about how something made you feel, you're saying "I will or will not tolerate this in my life because I like or don't like how it made me feel". You're also being honest with yourself. Otherwise, you'll just suppress and blow up later, or encourage depression and anxiety to set up shop in your mind. When someone blows you off, stands you up, says something that hurt, or they do something to make you feel badly, do you say how you feel? Or do you pretend you don't care? 

Why is society so obsessed with pretending they don't care? I for one, can't pretend for the life of me. Personally, I think it has to do with the over-masculinity of this world, not that this post is about radical feminism. Why is it not okay to be sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, frustrated, overly happy, ecstatic, elated, etc. When we are too happy, we are called crazy or told to calm down and it's nothing to be elated about. When we feel down, we are told to "cheer up", "smile", "Things will get better". Why is it not okay to feel anger or hurt? Feeling up or down about something is not handing over control to outside forces. Being honest about how you feel is being honest about who you are. Not everyone is going to understand that, no matter how close they are to you.That's okay. That's when more honesty comes in. If someone in your life doesn't understand why you feel a certain way but you are super close to them, openly explain it to them. Make them understand through open conversation. If every person understood what you felt and why you felt that way, there would be nothing to say to each other and nothing to talk about. 
   When you think about every conversation we have in our lives, the very root of them begins with how we feel about someone or something. Scientific findings exist because someone somewhere was passionate about the why, and connecting the dots, so they dedicated their lives to figuring things out that you and I couldn't. Everything starts with a feeling, an emotion, a spark that ignites a fire inside of you. Why would you want to hide that? When someone or something causes you to feel any strong emotion, it's because there's a passion inside of you. Disappointed? Hurt? It's because you have a soul and when you're hurt, you feel your soul. When you're happy, sad, it's your soul saying hello. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it makes you so happy, you can feel your feet lift off the ground. When you open your soul to others and let them know it's there, the right people will fall in love with your soul and take part in protecting it so you don't have to. Every emotion and feeling you experience is important to your foundation. Don't hide them. Set them free and be completely honest with the world (and by that, I don't mean social media) about who you are and what ignites the fire inside of you. 

I hope you found solace in this, and found a way to set free your soul to the people you love. 

xoox
Annie-M

Don't Feel Guilty About Setting Standards For The People In Your Life

So let me ask you this: What are your limits? What are the standards that you have set for your self as to how people treat you? How much are you willing to tolerate from shitty friends before you cut em loose?!

When you're there for someone every time they need to be lifted up, empowered, told they deserve better, and are going through a tough time, how many times will you put up with them bailing on you in your darkest moment before you just start waiting for the next time so you can easily justify cutting them off?

How many times are they going to refuse to pay you back  before you decide you don't need them in your life because they will always find a way to justify ripping you off?

How many times will they display jealousy and insecurity about your happiness and success before it just gets really depressing and you just get fed up with their lowly bullshit?

Whatever your answers are to these questions, I have a story for you. When this happened, I finally realized the strength I have, and the power I have. "Losing" a shitty friend isn't really a loss, just like I said how "losing" a shitty job isn't really a loss. Same concept applies.

I had this friend that I've known for about 5 years. She's had some pretty rough times with relationships, self-worth and family issues. Every time she was going through a break up, or was having issues with her self-esteem, I was right there. I tried to lift her up, tell her she deserves better, tell her she's worth so much more than her most recent boyfriend was capable of offering. I recognized her worth and her strength and power when she didn't and I never hesitated to try and lift her up when she needed it.

Fast forward to just over a year ago when I broke up with my long time boyfriend of 4 years. The day of or the day after, we were suppose to meet up for ice cream and get our nails done to talk and because I didn't wanna be alone. I was hurting. It was the only time I had ever asked her for anything. I arrived at the mall to meet her for 5pm like we agreed. At 5:30, she messaged me to let me know she hadn't even left the house and she would just rather get things done at home. She didn't try to reschedule or raincheck or even call to make sure I was okay or offer so much as an apology. I didn't hear from her for another 4 months. I let it go. I was really hurt but I let it go and got my nails done on my own.

A bunch of other times since then, she has bailed on me at the very last minute or even after we were suppose to meet. Again, I let it go. Most recently, my spouse and I invited her to New York City to join us on our adventures. We asked her way back in December (The trip was taking place in March). She was all for it. We asked her if it was okay if we booked the hotel for the 3 of us, and she said that would be okay. So we booked the hotel room for 3 people. The bill came to 1400. She booked her own flight but was flying out in the afternoon so she wasn't on the same flight as us. The day before the trip, she started saying that she was having anxiety and didn't think she would make it. That's fine. But then she decided to come but her flight got cancelled but the airline was willing to put her on the next flight so she could still come. She decided that was too inconvenient so she didn't come. At the end of the trip, I messaged her about her portion of the hotel cost, and she felt completely justified in not pitching in at all even though she said she would. We booked a room for 3 people because we trusted her to pay us back. She ripped us off and felt completely justified in doing so. So not only did she bail AGAIN at the very last second, she also indirectly stole from us.

I didn't argue with her about it, though I was very hurt and disappointed that my trust and that of Mark's had been violated, but i just told her she still had the option to come on the next flight. I just said "That's okay but it's not something I'll ever forget". I blocked and deleted her. I was just done and I have never felt stronger. It's okay to cut em loose and not feel guilty. If you have given yourself to someone every time they needed you, eventually you will become drained if they never give back. I have been on both ends of that. Maybe she's just not capable of loving others the way they love her. Some people aren't. But that's not your problem. So if you don't feel that your friendship is being reciprocated time and time again, get rid of them. They will only drag you down and become dead weight in your life. Things like this make me feel 1000x more grateful for the people in my life and the wonderful opportunities I've had. It cost me 450$ to get her out of my life. People like that? It's a price I'm willing to pay, and it gave me amazing fuel for the current chapter in my book!

Set standards that you want to see or others will be doing it for you.

So let me ask you again, how much are you willing to tolerate?


Annie-M

YOU ARE FABULOUS!
XOXO

We had an amazing time in NYC!