When It's Important to Take a Mental Health Day

   I write this as I break my routine for a day to watch Vampire Diaries and type out blog posts and work on Forward Momentum. The original plan was to go to the gym, come back and do my two hours of studying, then do one hour of writing, and then meditate. But I left halfway through my circuit at the gym because being "motivationally" yelled at for 30 minutes can sometimes make my anxiety 10x worse. Then I was festering things that were said days ago. Then the thought of doing anything routine except for showering made me anxious and sort of angry. Even though I have everything scheduled to ensure I get everything done, I was stressing about slacking on my writing. My writing is my outlet for everything I feel inside. It's the way I organize my thoughts and feelings and get them out without lashing out or saying things I regret. So why would I slack on my writing? I have found the one constructive, healthy way to cope with anxiety and being hyper-emotional and I've been putting it off. Now here I am. The thought of writing all day while watching my favorite genre of show suddenly offered me complete relief to the point I felt like crying because anxiety is mentally and emotionally exhausting. That's when I knew I needed to take a mental health day. 

   When you try to force yourself to do things you would otherwise enjoy, or you feel obligated to do, you learn to resent those activities and it just makes you more pissed off. Experiencing emotional turmoil is also a sign that your vibrations are low and that's when you start attracting more bad feelings which in turn will attract unwanted things into your life. This is why it's so important to do things that will raise your vibrations and offer you relief rather than more anxiety and negative feelings. So sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and break your routine so you can do things that will allow you to let go of whatever you were feeling before. 

   Most people tell you to go to the gym, take a walk, meditate, take a breath, but none of that works for me because it leaves me alone with my thoughts to fester and make me feel crappier. Spend the day doing something that you find to be an outlet for you. It's so important to acknowledge what your body and mind is trying to tell you. While it's unhealthy to stew in your emotions, it's healthy to know they are there and take the time to heal and deal. If your mind is telling you to take a break and your body feels tense and uptight, it's important to listen to that instead of trying to push through and ignore it. Take a mental health day and don't feel bad about it. Don't feel guilty about taking care of you. I will get back to my studies tomorrow after I get back from the amazing day trip I'm taking with friends :) 

Have a wonderful self-care day all! :)

Annie-M
xoxo

Loving Yourself First

I think the worst feeling in the world is feeling insecure when you use to be the most confident, self-assured person you know. Then you become emotionally invested in someone or something and suddenly you're a bowl of jelly wobbly at your jelly-like knees, in your kingdom of jello. So the question becomes, how do you remain self-assured and confident when emotionally invested in something? Most things tend to work out when you're unaffected by what the outcome is, and when you know you'll be okay either way. When you get excited about something,it tends to take over your mind and thoughts. Whether it's a job, significant other, new home, etc. You hyperfocus on it and that's when things tend to get a little hairy. I hate to say it, but that's called obsession. When I have an argument with my significant other, I actually become obsessed with making sure things are okay. It's not that I become obsessed with him, but making sure things will be okay between us. That my friends is basically me feeling like I won't be okay if "we" are not okay. 

Truth is, writing this post actually brings me back to Earth and for a fleeting moment, my mind is occupied and I don't feel insecure or 'needy' anymore. I'm writing this to help bring myself back there. I want nothing more than to be the confident, sexy, fun woman he met almost a year and a half ago at a pool club. Maybe I was fun and confident because I wasn't so tightly wound. Now I have so many things on the go, I often forgo 'fun' for my studies or Forward Momentum (the book I'm writing). I think the issue I'm having is really common. I just need to remember things that I enjoy and go back to doing that. Just writing brings me back there a little, and that's an awesome start. I think I may have forgotten to show myself a little love while I'm at it. Whether it's taking a bath with a glass of wine, just taking a night for myself, or taking myself to a show, or hanging out with friends. In loving this person so much, I believe I forgot about me. I'm sitting here waiting for him to text me, completely forgetting that it's a huge waste of time because there's more to me and to my life than just this one person. 

Me and my love. It is definitely okay for me to love myself just as much as I love him.

I started depending on someone else for my happiness. My happiness depended on his text back, on the time we spend time together, or on him to call me after work, and that is no way to live or love. I love him very much but I have to start loving myself again too. For both our sakes, and for the sake of a successful relationship. When you feel love for yourself, you attract love from others. In saying these things, it actually takes me back to my post about the cracks in my foundation; relying on others for reassurance, confidence, and for others to tell you that you're okay. I think I may be experiencing a few cracks in my own foundation right now. Well, time to get crack filler. AKA: Self-assurance on my own terms. There's no reason for me to feel bad about me or my life because of someone else. No matter how much I love that person. :)

Annie-M

xoxo